You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
