It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
