i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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