Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
