he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the day after is always just damage control
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
