Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
