I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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