girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
