You really coming over, don't trick.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
