I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
