I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
