every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
