So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
