Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
