something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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