and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
