New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
