Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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