It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
