also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
