You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
