im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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