i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
