Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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