It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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