i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
