You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
