Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
