so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
