How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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