She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
