Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The uberlube is also flammable
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
