so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
