I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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