Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
