The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
