You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
