At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
ttyl tear gas
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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