i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
