Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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