this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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