I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
