Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
