I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
