It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
