Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wish I only lived at night.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
