Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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