So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Randomize
