wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
