Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
oh god was she eating orange peels again
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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