ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
