im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
