I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
