Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
