Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
