piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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