I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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