She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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