would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She even gives head with a lisp.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
