I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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