Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
