Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
