she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
