Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
