New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
