There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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