my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
