her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
