the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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