1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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