This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
