you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just pee around me
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
