I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Dear god my vagina.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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