wakey wakey hands off snakey
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
