you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
