I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
