Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
