True but thats because hes a fetus.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
