What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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