So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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