I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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