bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
