we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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