We won't sleep together?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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