My hair reeks of homosexuality.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
