Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
