Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My balls are so social today.
i came on her dog
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
