No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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