he wants to bone in the snuggie
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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