i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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