I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
