I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
