remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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