I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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