are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
