Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
