He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
