I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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