i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
