I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
