I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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