Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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